Year in Review

2015

2017

2016

Change is...

Frightening. Mysterious. Difficult. Transformative. Chang is good. Change is bad. Change is ugly. Change is beautiful. Change is something I have never really seemed to be good at.

A fresh start, an electric spark in the air as thousands of students gather all humming with the excitement of their newfound freedom and then there was me, tiny and afraid shrinking into myself as I watch my family disappear out of eye sight and realize that what I had known for eighteen years of my life was about to change drastically. This is how I felt on August 20th 2014, the first day of this new chapter of my life.

In the past, a fresh start such as this was not necessarily the new breath of life one would have hoped but rather it was a slow suffocation, taking the life right out of me and going into this chapter of my life I feared this would happen once again. As new beginnings are, this one was rough to start, however, I remained resilient and discovered just how strong and independent I can be.

My greatest challenge was finding a support network of friends and acquaintances who I could rely on to propel me forward and accompany me on my journey through the next few years of my life. It had been years since I had found myself in a sea of new faces, the young adults I had graduated with in May had been the same the same children I had known since grade school. Despite my fears and many shaky first steps, I threw myself into the waters and found a place in which I belong. I explored my passion for feminism and liberal ideas and in doing so I found like-minded individuals who helped to open my mind and transform me into a more knowledgeable and empathetic person. The trials and tribulations of the past year of my life have shown me just how capable I am as a person and it has opened a new realm of possibilities for my future.

Looking into the next year of my life, I could not be more thrilled at the opportunities and mysteries that lie ahead in the coming months. I hope to remain open to the new ideas and challenges I may face, knowing however difficult time may be, I can only come out the other side stronger and better prepared for what occurs beyond this upcoming year. I hope to jump back into the life I have created at the University of Cincinnati and to explore the community that lies beyond the university. The Cincinnati community as a whole is my mission for the next year, I look forward to exploring the mysteries and beauty that lay in the city of Cincinnati and I hope to work alongside community members and fellow students to better the city we call home. I wish to establish strong bonds with those in the community as I use my skills of interpersonal communication to connect with persons of the community on a personal level. Above all, I look forward to the many privileges and opportunities that I am so lucky to have been given in this life.

I never thought I possessed the capability to become the person I am today. My goal in any room is to disappear into the walls but recently that has begun to change. It was not a sudden change nor was it a snap realization but rather it was a gradual recognition that I was beginning to hold and carry myself in a different manner. I was no longer the person I had resigned to become.

This year I finally started participating in my life. As strange as that might sound to some, for years I had lived my life at the whim of my anxieties and through the lens of what I had long conceived as that which I was ‘supposed’ to do, living a life of impossible expectations I had placed on myself.

This year I started taking chances and the biggest chance I took was finally going after what I want. I found a place within multiple student organization some of which in the end I needed to give up but that left me with unbelievable experiences and countless new faces to call friends. In some of these organizations I found my potential to be a leader. On my own accord, I became the social media chair for the University of Cincinnati Feminists a post I enjoy greatly and that at my high points I excel in. I found my niche within my major joining the Street Team extension of UCommunicate, a communications consulting firm based out of the Department of Communication. This amazing opportunity not only prepares me for my future in the communications industry but it has also pushed me to become a more outgoing and engaging person.

Above all, the people who have found their way out and into my life this past year have truly pushed me into this next chapter of my life. Some pushed in positive change while others chipped too hard at what positivity was already there and in the end I needed to make decisions on what was best for me and the person I see myself becoming. While dark can occasionally drive out light, I was lucky enough to have enough positivity in my life to chase away the dark. With the confidence I was given this past year, I found myself accomplishing that which I never thought I would achieve. From participating in the University of Cincinnati’s presentation of Eve Ensler’s the Vagina Monologues to traveling beyond the US borders to Havana, Cuba, this year I surprised myself.

This next year brings several new challenges and hopefully a considerable amount of growth and change. My goal is to apply and hopefully gain acceptance into the 4+1 graduate program offered through the Department of Communication. I look forward to continuing what I love doing with UC Feminists, UCommunicate and the Honors Ambassadors. And above all I want to push myself to further my personal growth in pursuing my passions in writing as well as editing my fatal flaws in procrastination that limit that which I am able to achieve.

I feel a subtle shake begin in my fingertips. The silhouettes of my fellow performers bounce around the small closet space whispering in nervous excitement. I inch the door open peeking around the frame as my eyes sweep across the small audience scattered throughout the auditorium. Specks of dust dance in the beams of the spotlights, a small semi-circle of chairs arch around a podium caught in their crosshairs. I run through a last minute mental checklist as we wait for our cue. A small rap at the door and the voices in the room come to a hush. I meek smile creeps across my face as stare back into every pair of eyes in the room, now swollen with anxiety. A small nod of encouragement and I pull the door open, walk across the stage, take a deep breath, roll my shoulders back, stand tall, pick up the mic and welcome the small audience to the University of Cincinnati 2017 production of Eve Ensler’s the Vagina Monologues.

***

Six months of exhaustive, round the clock work proceeded this moment. Fragile steps in leadership marching us toward our quintessential event of the year. As the two-night event closed with only the usual minor hitches and pains, I was incredulous at my own ability to lead. In this moment, I found the defining story arc of this last year of my life. A year of growth and leadership driven by forces of selfish interest. My own interests and pursuits taking their rightful spot on the throne navigating a journey in self-discovery.

In the past year, I have experienced a personal renaissance of life, rediscovering buried passions. I fell in love with cooking and wrote for pleasure not for classroom credit. I stayed up late into the night furiously flicking through the pages of a book. I discovered the possibilities of the person I have become driving into the skid instead of away in the face of public speech. I discovered talents and confidence. I let worry fall off my shoulders and roll off my back. I allowed room for joy and happiness in following a path of self-fulfillment rather than begrudging responsibility.

In the closing of a year tainted with the possibilities of a person liberated, I find myself on the precipice of change and closing. In a year’s time, I will find myself an alum of the institution I have called home for the past four years. I will relinquish control of an organization, where I found family just three short year ago, to a new generation of leaders. I will once again find myself in a tumultuous time of change and promise but in the 365 days leading up to these moments, I will relish a summer spent in a vibrant city working for not one but two notable organizations in a truly unique internship program; I will consume knowledge as a ravenous scholar from renown experts in the hallowed halls of a truly wonderful institution; and I will take in the wondrous series of challenges and experiences one can only find in a life like this.